And I love them just the same (My two very different BFPs)

My first pregnancy was a complete and total surprise. My two very different BFPs

Well, not a complete surprise. I had gone off the pill only two months after getting married just to see what would come from it. I still did not think a pregnancy would actually happen to me. My husband and I were living the life: working and partying, taking vacations and going out with friends on the weekends. Exactly eight months to the day after celebrating our marriage, and with my period a week late, I got my BFP (Big Fat Positive) in a moment of surreal denial.

I was at work,  and my husband convinced me to just take a test (my period was never late so seven days was quite a long stretch). He wanted to know one way or another. I went to the bathroom, peed on the stick, and five minutes later I held the stick that irrevocably changed my life. The first words out of my mouth were, “this is not OK” (even though in every way it definitely was OK).

My husband and I had both graduated college and we were married and about to purchase our first home. In reality, we really were physically ready for a baby. Mentally, I was in a state of shock. Although a huge smile spread across my face in that bathroom stall when I saw the word “pregnant” staring me in the face, it took weeks for me to come to terms with the fact that I was going to be a mama and that my life would never be quite the same.

As the months passed, I got used to the fact that I was going to be a mama and got completely enthralled with the idea of having a baby. I was so excited and could hardly wait for him to get here. I had always wanted to be a mama. I just didn’t think it would be this soon. I knew that I would relish this role. My husband and I were in a place where, while holding full-time jobs and being responsible functional adults, we were enjoying doing whatever we wanted and going where the wind blew us. For me, it was hard to let this go.

Once my beautiful baby boy was born, this became even harder for me and it took quite a while to really flourish in my new role as his mama. After I settled down, I never loved any other time in my life more. I was meant to be his mama.

Fast forward 18 months. My husband and I decided we were ready to add to our family and give our son a sibling. We decided to try and by some miracle got pregnant the very first time we attempted.

I could not believe our luck.

When I saw the BFP, I was once again in a state of shock. This time it was an “Oh my God! I cannot believe this! I am so happy!” type of shock. Everything felt right. It all seemed too perfect. I went through this pregnancy with no doubt, no overwhelming feelings, and felt bonded to the baby the second she entered the world. This time I was more sure of myself as a person, not so free to fly, and felt more like a “mama” from the second I knew she was coming. I had no identity issues when she was born and quickly figured out life as a mama of two.

I had two babies at two completely different times and places in my life. It is so amazing that I love these little beings more than I could ever imagine: completely, 100% JUST the same.

I could not imagine my life without either of them in it. They both bring so much joy in two completely different ways. Our family would not be whole without the two of them.

We have come so far in the last 2.5 years, and I have come so far as a woman, a wife, and most importantly, as a mama. I have a surprise baby and a planned baby, and both of them were completely, totally meant to be. They have both stolen my heart in ways I never knew possible.

My two completely different BFPs have opened me up to a new me and a new life, and made me realize my real place in this world.

6 Responses to And I love them just the same (My two very different BFPs)

  1. <3 what a beautiful family!!

  2. My first pregnancy was perfect as well. My second was very different. The second birth was much easier! I can’t wait to have another!

  3. BFP’s never heard of it referred to that way… and I’ve had two myself… what blessing children are :D

  4. You are INCREDIBLY blessed! Since I have had 8 miscarriages, babies are not that easy to come by for me. The three children that God did bless me with are ages: 24 yrs, 9 yrs, and 23 months. They are spaced apart due to the babies that I lost in between them. I was a mom at 18 yrs, 33 yrs, and 40 yrs. so I have gotten to experience mommyhood at different times in my life.

    No matter what time in my life that my children have been born, I have always been ready, but I have to say that with age (mine, lol) comes wisdom & patience because I know that in the end, it’s all going to be all right.

    God bless,

    Robin : )

  5. beautiful family! God is good! I had my twins via IVF after 7 failed IUI’s and THOUSANDS of dollars, then miraculously our daughter was conceived naturally with NO interventions and PERFECT in every way. I now have twin 2 year olds and an 8 month old! :D LIFE IS GREAT!

  6. I love this story. We’re pregnant with our first, and were trying to figure out when the “right time” was, but we ended up being “ready” only 4 months after our wedding instead of a year like we planned. We’re thrilled and we’re ready for this little girl.

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