Surrogacy Series: How I Decided to Become a Surrogate

I’m five months pregnant with a beautiful little girl. But she’s not my husband’s baby— and she’s not mine either; I’m a surrogate!

Becoming a surrogate has been one of the most surreal experiences of my life.

Why did I choose to become a surrogate? Honestly, I don’t have a good answer. One day, I felt a calling. I took it as an opportunity to do my research and to learn more. I tried to pave my own way— when my husband and I discussed surrogacy, it was always in the context of “in a few years, we might consider this.” But I truly believe God had other plans for me. He put this idea on my heart right at the time I met a wonderful couple who, unfortunately, couldn’t carry their own baby. It went pretty fast from there.

I’ve always wanted to be a mama. Sounds cliché, right? But it’s true. My husband and I started trying to get pregnant right away after we were married. It didn’t take long for us— only a few months. I had a lovely first pregnancy. It was full of excitement and joy and research and planning. I enjoyed (almost) every minute of it. I knew it wasn’t such a breeze for other mamas-to-be, as many moms would seem genuinely surprised that I loved being pregnant.

It was only a few months after giving birth that I began to really miss being pregnant. Our first baby was about ten months old when we decided to start trying for baby #2. Thinking it’d take a few months again, we started trying right away— and being as blessed and fertile as we apparently are— I became pregnant right away.

Pregnancy #2 was also a breeze. It was enjoyable and fun. I love the whole idea of pregnancy, of growing a baby, of feeling the movements and kicks and turns inside in an intimate way only a pregnant woman could know. I felt connected and maternal.

Image by Kay Rogge

Giving birth to baby #2 was the most powerful experience I’ve ever had.

My first birth hadn’t ended up going exactly as I had hoped, but I had learned from that experience and went into birth #2 armed with knowledge. My birth experience with baby #2 made me feel powerful, strong, confident and on top of the world. I knew right away that I wanted that experience again. But did we want another baby!? Well, maybe…. But maybe not. Certainly not anytime soon.

When baby #2, my son L, was about 20 months old, I met a woman online. She lived nearby and was a new stay-at-home-mom with a little boy right around L’s age. We agreed to meet and have a playdate. During our playdate, she opened up to me that her son was born via surrogacy. I was totally and completely fascinated! I tried not to be too excited as I told her all about MSW and how I’d love to ‘interview’ her about her experiences. She was completely open to the idea and I was thrilled.

That evening, I brought up to my husband the idea of surrogacy. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard me mention it, but I’d never been completely serious about it before. It had always been something in the back of my mind, and I was saying, “that might be nice to do one day.” We discussed it, and ended the conversation with, “maybe in a few years.”

That night, I couldn’t sleep because I stayed up thinking about surrogacy. Aside from being fascinated, I was excited about the possibility.

I researched it every day for the next week or so, and about two weeks later, I knew I couldn’t wait “a few years,” to become a surrogate. This was something I was supposed to do— right now. Why not, really? I loved being pregnant. I loved giving birth. I was a stay-at-home mama with no other job obligations and I had a supportive husband. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect.

The next few weeks were spent researching agencies. It was an agonizing decision— every agency had its own pros and cons, its own ideals, its own procedures. I had finally decided between two and I was in the stage right before signing agreements about continuing with one.

Then… I had another playdate with the same mom who I had met before. I was nervous to tell her about my decision to become a surrogate. I’m not entirely sure why I was so nervous, but I’m sure fate played a part because God knew what was in store for us together in the next few months. I worked up enough courage to tell her about my decision. Her whole face lit up. I watched as she tried so hard to contain her excitement, she practically jumped up and down and she hugged me, she told me how awesome of an experience it would be. Moments after, she asked if I would be their surrogate. I kind of laughed it off, thinking it was a joke. I didn’t even know they wanted another child! But her request was very serious, and how could I say no?

We both took the time to discuss it with our husbands. We spent about a week without talking to each other. My husband and I weighed the pros and cons of going through surrogacy independently instead of through an agency. We weighed the pros and cons of being a surrogate for people who had become our friends, instead of for strangers. It felt like a long decision, but in the end, it wasn’t really a tough decision. I knew this was meant to be.

Stay tuned for more posts about my surrogacy experience.

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