A chronic tester gets her BFP!

“I will not test. I will not test. I will not test.”

It was 8 a.m. Monday morning… better known as “10 Days Past Ovulation.”

I was what you might call a “Chronic Tester.” I’d be ashamed for anyone to know how much money I blew on pregnancy tests in the 4 months it took us to get pregnant. When you’re trying to conceive, there’s just something about waiting for that little pink line to appear that I couldn’t get enough of.

On this particular Monday morning, I had told myself that I wouldn’t waste my one remaining test. It was too early for there to be a reasonable chance of a positive result, my husband was leaving for work that afternoon and not to mention I was at work — three very good reasons to hold off.

And yet, it lay tantalizingly in the glove compartment of my car — the last of a box I’d bought on a lunch break the month prior and forgotten to bring inside the house.

By 8:45 a.m., I had broken down and started to Google “pregnancy symptoms at 10 dpo.” The results were depressing — I had not one single symptom save for a bout of random cramps a few days prior and a very vivid dream about being pregnant with a fish. Those count, right?

In any case, by 9:15 it became apparent that I was not going to get any work done unless I took the test and got it out of my system. I remember walking out to the car telling myself “just take the test, it will be negative, and you can get on with your day.”

In the office bathroom stall I watched the test develop.

This last moment before you know is strange and wonderful. There is no frame of reference for you to anticipate how it will feel when you see that second line appear so the moment is literally unimaginable. A small part of you remains in denial that it could happen to you until the very moment that line fades into existence.

It was positive.

For several long minutes I sat in the stall with the test on my knee and my hand clapped over my mouth, listening to people coming in and out of the restroom, talking about their lunch plans and exchanging idle office gossip. I shoved the test in my pocket and walked shakily to my desk. I felt oddly humbled by the knowledge that for a few hours it would be just him and me (I thought he was a boy right away).

In the whole universe, only one person knew he existed. I felt split in two. I was terrified and overwhelmed by the sheer number of possibilities I hadn’t considered until that moment. I typed out a cryptic Facebook message: “omg.” It became apparent that now I really wasn’t going to get any work done.

the moment we told my mom!

I told my boss I had a family emergency and left work. On the way home I bought the smallest St. Louis Cardinals jersey I could find for my husband. I wrapped it in a box with the pregnancy test and a Happy Father’s Day card and sat at the kitchen table waiting for him to return from running errands.

I’ll never forget the look on his face as the realization dawned on him, holding that little jersey out in front of him. After a long hug and some tears, he decided to call off work as well so we could surprise my parents. We drove 3 hours without telling them we were coming. We knocked on their door while holding out the pregnancy test. My mother answered still wearing her oven mitts, took one look at the test and went bananas!

My dad broke out his most expensive bottle of wine and that night we sat outside in the warm summer air and toasted to “Little Bug’s” future and the giant adventure we were starting.

Exactly eight months later on a cold winter night, our sweet, perfect boy arrived: Nolan Laurence.

7 Responses to A chronic tester gets her BFP!

  1. I love the photo of your mom with the oven mitts! That’s the best surprise ever!

  2. I loved reading your story! thanks for sharing :)

  3. Great story and great picture! :)

  4. I love the pic of your mom. I was the same way when I was ttc both times. I spent so much in tests it was not even funny.

  5. I adore this story! Thanks so much for sharing.

  6. That’s me in the oven mitts! What a happy day that was!

  7. I am exactly the same way. I am obsessed with taking pregnancy tests.

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