Ask the Mamas: How Many Kids?

Each week we will ask our mamas a question from our readers that pertains to babies, toddlers, or parenting. Make sure to check back each Tuesday to see their responses!

Do you have a question you’d like to ask the mamas? If so, send us an email with your question to [email protected]

MSW reader Francesca J. asks:

“How did you decide how many kids you wanted/were going to have?”

  • Once I started actually “planning” my family with my husband, I decided that I only wanted one child. It made sense financially and practically to focus our attention on one child. My husband still hopes for a second, and it’s not entirely off the table but it is definitely still just a “twinkle in his eye.” I grew up the youngest of three, although my parents had legal guardianship of two of my cousins, so technically there were five of us. We didn’t fight much, we were all pretty separated into our own lives, but we all had our issues, some illnesses, some substance abusers and some just feeling neglected. I never liked that feeling of sharing my parents or them devaluing my feelings over the “more pressing” matters of my siblings, and I think that definitely played a role in my wanting to focus on my one and only. ~Debbie F.
  • I always knew I wanted two or three kids. I grew up the oldest of four and I’m very close with all of my siblings. But I knew I didn’t want as many as four. My husband was an only child and needed some convincing that it was a good thing to have more than one baby. I got him to agree that we’d have two and then discuss it again once we’d gone through the newborn stage with the second baby. I know he worries about the practical side of parenting (finances, etc). Of course, Mother Nature is playing with us as we’ve been trying to conceive baby number two for over a year now. I still want my son to have a sibling though. Whether that sibling is conceived by my husband and me or adopted has yet to be decided. So, we shall see where fate takes us. ~Alex T.

  • I’ve always wanted four kids — I don’t know why, it just sounded like a good number. I grew up with two brothers and loved having siblings, though I had always wished for a sister. My husband has always said that he wanted two kids. I remember a conversation where I said, “Okay, let’s compromise and have three,” and he said, “Hmmm how about we compromise and have two?” I think we’ll wait until we have two and then see how we feel. ~Mary Ellen M.
  • I have always wanted four kids. I am one of three and love having a brother and sister. Now that I have one baby, the idea of having four seems crazy. So we are taking it day by day, baby by baby. ~Christy A.

Image by Cari Hollis Photography

  • I’ve always wanted kids and couldn’t wait to start a family! Since I grew up in a family of three kids, I thought that was the magic number and wanted three children of my own. But, now that I know how much work each child really is, I think we will have to wait and see how it goes with two first! ~Heidi C.
  • I always knew I wanted two, partly because my parents have two kids, and partly because it’s just a reasonable number and I think most families have two kids. My husband wanted only one, even though he has one sibling. He thinks two is too much work. It took me a while to convince him to try one more time.
    Other reasons:

    -I don’t need to trade in my car for a minivan with two kids, but I will with three.
    -We only have three bedrooms in the house.
    -We can’t afford sending three kids to daycare/school with the current mortgage.
    -Daddy and mama can watch one kid each, and I don’t know what to do with the third kid (I’m sure we can figure it out when that happens, but just doesn’t seem that straightforward at this point). ~Rebecca S.
  • I always knew I wanted to have two children, maybe three. My husband has always said the same. I am the youngest of four children and he is the youngest of three. Our first child is a girl and we will be trying for baby number two very soon. If we have another girl I have a feeling my husband might want to try for a third, hoping to have a son. But that is something we will have to decide a while after baby number two arrives. ~Lindsay P.
  • When we first started talking kids, the magic number was four! What was I thinking? Now, we believe two is the right number. It just makes more sense for us financially and in our eyes most things in life are geared for a family of four. But, this doesn’t mean a third would be off the table… only time will tell! ~Sarah H.

  • We’ve always talked about two or three. I’m pretty sure after baby number two is born, though, we’ll be done. Unless we have some crazy idea a few years down the line that we miss the “baby” stage. ~Sam A.
  • We still are not sure. We have one now and don’t have immediate plans to have another. I think we will wait a bit still. We don’t see a need for our family to rush into having another just to have them close together. We are young and started our family young so we felt we could space them out. So for now, we are happy with our one. In a few years we will try for another and take it from that moment on. I don’t want to make a set plan with a set number because at any moment life can give you a different plan and I want to be happy just moving on with that. ~Jaimie S.
  • When my husband and I came together, we created a life and home filled with an amazing amount of love, friendship and respect. We were incredibly happy together, but something was still missing. We wanted to create another person in our family to share in and build even more of that love and joy. Now that our son is here we feel complete. And as predicted, that love and respect has more than doubled. As of right now we can’t imagine a future with more than just the three of us as a family. But down line if we begin to feel that empty space again we will consider trying to add to our family one last time. ~Laura K.

The advice given here is solely based on our individual experiences and in no way is it going to be perfect for every mama, every baby, and every situation. None of us are medical doctors. If you have a question regarding a medical topic we can give our opinions, but please consult with your doctor. We are not liable or responsible for the results of following any specific advice in any given situation.

3 Responses to Ask the Mamas: How Many Kids?

  1. two is the right number for me, but I too have been trying for number 2 for over a year. eventually. fingers crossed.

  2. I want four kids, and my husband only wants two. We have two children now. I always say that I don’t think we would ever regret having more…but we may always regret not.

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