Mother’s Day Letters: Jessica’s Mama

Dear Mom,

I have tried to think of the best way to start this letter, but nothing seems to work. Usually I start off with a joke of some kind, something sarcastic. It has taken me a while to get to this point, to feel comfortable enough to allow myself to say these things. So, I think it might be best just to dive in.

I remember many days when I was younger, spent pool side or on the boat. I remember always having you around. I may not have understood it then, but now as a mama I appreciate how difficult (and how rewarding) it can be to stay at home with your kids.

I thought for sure that I would have my kids close together in age, but then I had a kid and quickly dismissed that idea. I have no idea how you handled two under two. At least I was a good kid.

I remember you were at every practice, every game, every recital, play and performance. You always came on our school field trips. Again, I didn’t know it then, but I realize now how important it was to me that you were there. Since becoming a mama, I have made a promise to myself that I will always be present for my kids and for my family. Thank you for showing me the importance of that.

I remember you would always tell me that I never stopped being your baby and that you would never stop worrying about me. It is not something you can really understand until you become a mama yourself.

I know it was hard when I moved away after getting married, and it was probably even harder when I had Annabelle. I wonder how it felt for you to look at Annabelle —in pictures and video, and finally when you were able to see her in person. She looks so much like me, so much like how I looked as a baby. I wonder if it brought you back to the days when I was a little one.

Some of my best memories with you in recent years were when you were able to spend time with Anna. It was always incredible to me how quickly she warmed up to you. It was always you who made her laugh and it was always you she ran to with open arms. She shied away from everyone else, but with you it was an instant connection.

The night before you passed, we were able to Skype one last time. You got to see and chat with Anna. You spent the previous day with Nicki (my sister) and Billy (my nephew), you went dress shopping with dad for the fireman’s dinner later in the week, and then you got to chat with me and Anna. All in all, I imagine spending your last day with your family is not a bad way to go.

Up until this point of sitting down and writing this letter, I hadn’t really allowed myself to mourn. I hadn’t really cried. So I think writing you this note on Mother’s Day is therapeutic for me.

There is a lot that I am thankful for in how you raised me, but there are also many things that I wish were different in our relationship, things that I hope I can improve on with my kids.

If there is anything that you have taught me, it is that the time you have on earth with your family is all too short. There is no such thing as loving your family too much.

It still feels foreign to me that I won’t be giving you a phone call this Mother’s Day. I hope that wherever it is that you find yourself now out in the great beyond, you have found clarity and peace. I hope that you feel pride in the woman and the mom that I have become.

I love and miss you.

<3 Jess

Need more warm fuzzies?
Check out more letters to mom:

Mother’s Day Letters: Alex’s Mama

Mother’s Day Letters: Kate’s Mama

Check back for more letters to our mamas, coming soon!

9 Responses to Mother’s Day Letters: Jessica’s Mama

  1. SO touching! Am sure losing your mama has brought such a range of emotions, especially since you are a mother yourself. I hope this letter brought some peace to you as you deal with such a tremendous loss. Thank you for sharing your story!

  2. Aunt Jackie Somers Reply

    Dear Jess,

    You are a wonderful Woman, Wife, Niece and Mother and a great Person. Your Mom is so proud of you and is watching and always will be.

    Love you Big,
    Old Farty Aunt Jackie

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  5. This is such a beautiful letter to your Mom, Jess :) I didn’t know her, but I can only imagine just how proud she is of you!

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