Mother’s Day Letters: To My Birth Mama

Before I begin my letter, I’d like to give a little back story…  I was the baby in a pre-arranged adoption. I was 3 days old when my adoptive parents drove from Michigan to Kankakee, Illinois to pick me up from the hospital. My adoption took place 30 years ago on the 18th of February (my birthday is February 15) and was closed. I have never met my biological mother.

To my birth mother:

Where do I even begin? I mean, really, what do you say to someone that is so important to your existence but you know nothing of? So here goes nothing.

I’ve known I was adopted for as long as I can remember. My parents called me their special gift. For the most part, I was fine with being adopted; I have wonderful parents and I had a great childhood. Sometimes I would get angry though, being young and immature. I would wonder why my “mom” didn’t want me. I felt like maybe I wasn’t good enough to know the person who gave me life.

My feelings changed toward you when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. I was 23 when I got pregnant and she was a surprise, to say the least. I was unwed and, quite frankly, I didn’t have a lot going for me. Suddenly I found myself faced with the same type of situation that I imagine you found yourself in. Abortion was not an option; I thought to myself if you had made the decision to abort then I wouldn’t be here.

I chose to keep her and she is 6 now. She has completely changed my life. Since then, I have fallen in love, gotten married and I now have two more beautiful girls who are two years old and three months old. I started going to college late (well my third attempt came in 2009) but I have managed to get an associate’s degree and will begin a nursing program in the fall. One of the only things I know about you is that you were a college student, so I feel like it’s another thing we have in common.

Since becoming a mother, I now realize what a selfless decision it was for you to give me up for adoption. I like to believe that you wanted me to have a better life than you thought that you could provide. I believe that you made your choice out of love and that is a bittersweet thought. Pregnancy is hard and knowing that there is a beautiful little gift on the other side is what got me through it. Holding your baby for the first time and looking at her sweet little face makes it all worth it. Did you even get to see me or hold me?

The questions are the hardest part since only you can really answer them. I have so many questions for you. What do you look like? Do I have any siblings? Do you ever wonder about me and where I am in life? My questions are endless and although I have searched a bit, I haven’t taken it too far as I don’t want my parents’ feelings hurt and I don’t know if I am a chapter of your life that you have locked up forever.

It makes me so sad to think about my girls growing up away from me. I can’t imagine missing their prom and high school graduation, missing out on their wedding day, college graduation and the birth of their children. My heart aches for both of us that we may never know each other. I will always be grateful for you, though, because no matter what, without you I wouldn’t have life.

I am here if you should ever look for me. I would love to meet you and have you meet my wonderful family if you ever choose. In fact, writing this letter has made me want to know you more than I ever have before.

Thank you for your selfless choice and incredible gift.


2 Responses to Mother’s Day Letters: To My Birth Mama

  1. Beautifully written Miriam!

  2. Such a bittersweet position you are in Miriam. But one thing is for sure, your birth mother had a choice and she chose to give you life, which is the greatest gift of all. No matter what she was facing in her life, she could have aborted and the world would not have known you, or your precious girls. I think she made the right choice, and I commend you for having the courage to write this letter because many birth moms out there could read this and wonder if…

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